sorry my dearest peiyin! hee. anyway still in the happy shopping date out with you mood. so happy and blessed. the favoured bag i bought at an incredible price. the nice outting at fish & co.!! tan ah pei!! stop working!! come play with me more often!! i wan learn cooking from you too. talk and do sweet nothing. haa. loves. ((: ah chia!! when you stop working eh? ((: i'll see jojo, cha and mona. and its lohbiao's birthday party soon. yeah. can get to meet you! next angels outing soon eh!! hee.
today, i feel i'm really living like just for myself. just being so selfish. and i hate it. i hate it. things goes like this...
i received a call from my primary sch friend. she wanted to borrow my formal wear. i was like okie. but she needed more than one set. and i'm like wad! inside me. because the rest of my formal wear are brand new! i've yet to wear them. so i sounded very unhappy on my inside. )):
aftermath, she call again, and i told her i can lend her a white collar blouse and a skirt. but she request for a pants because she scare her menses come! i was like omgosh! u're a borrrower! how dare u request! felt so intrruded. it becomes like i owe her smth. when i'm not even close very close friend of hers. ahh. my "self" just overwhelmed my everything. its too much! i'm angry, and selfish. guess i'm very selfish.
but for formal wear, i guess everyone shld at least spend some more to get at least a set. for interview purposes or smth rite?
and i don like people whom ask for a favour, and seems so thick skinned as thou i owe her a favour.
thou, i know jesus loves me so much. thou it is nothing, but i'm just unhappy. super duperly unhappy with people like tat. angry. and yes angry i am. not even at peace. anger fills me. i don even feel as if i love her. i guess i hate her. and i hate myself too. being so selfish. it is such a blessing to be able to lend others, because i've it already, isn't it? but i just can't tink or imagine tat way.
after meeting her, i was so angry still. tot of so many diff sms to tell her or [as you know me being straightforward me, i would tell the person how i felt angry and everything unhappy]. its like countless no. of sms i typed out that i wanted to send them to shoot her. imagine those darts all fly over to her and shoot her to death. oh how evil i am.
thank you jesus for scantifying me, for constantly cleansing my sins! phew~! thank god, i'm in christ, my hope of glory.
alrites, i went to bath there after.
while bathing i was screaming and praying out loud in tongues, talking and communicating with him. but its amazing how a bath can cool me and change my perspective of things. and the amount of things that was brought to remembrance that pastor has preached.
i'm rich.... actually i can have and buy many many more blouse then the one tat i lend her. because, i'm rich.
it's like i've already 3 blouse, why is lending one to other people so difficult?
john 14:27 peace i leave with you, my peace i give to you, not as the world gives do i gives to you. let not ur heart be troubled neither let it be afraid.
i'm growing, becoming better and better. lord, transform me inside out. renew my mind again and again. let it bring glory to you. let it be fruitful and multiply ur grace and peace. change me, let my flesh slowly die off.
let me longs, to do good for others, seeing their needs, helping them, being a helper.
